In The Brightest Hour Of My Darkest Day, I Realized What Is Wrong With Me

Eleri's First Fundraiser!

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 18:56:39 GMT

I'm interrupting your normally scheduled blogging life for a bit of an overly proud parenting moment...and to hit y'all up for money. ;o)

Eleri's having her first EVER fundraiser for her school. No, she's not selling wrapping paper, candy, or otherwise cheesy and overpriced knick-knacks that are generally peddled for these things. Nope, Eleri's in a Walk-a-thon!

Yeah, that's right...she's sweating for your money! (Well, maybe not sweating, but at least breathing a bit hard and burning a few snack time calories.) Anyhow, here's the deal...you sponsor her for a certain dollar amount per lap she walks. On October 19th her class will head out to the field at her school and start walking around the 1/4 mile track. The average number of laps for a kindergardener is 2 to 4. If you don't want to risk the possibility that she turns into some kind of endurance walker, you can either put a maximum cap on your donation or do a flat donation as well.

As I said, the walk-a-thon itself is happening on 10/19 and afterwards she'l have two weeks to collect the money and turn it in. Plenty of time for all you long distance peeps to mail in checks or cash. ;o) All the proceeds go directly to her school since it's being put on by the Home & School Club (our version of the PTA). I'll post how she does here, both in laps walked and total money collected. The top earner wins an ipod (which she wants more than life...and me too since I think I'll be forced to slit my throat if I have to listen to one more Hannah Montana or Jonas Brothers song).

If you want to sponsor her, either reply here or email me at orcatiff@gmail.com with your name, address, and $ per lap or flat amount you want to donate.

Thanks all!

Prayers and good thoughts needed

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 18:05:56 GMT

A very close friend of mine made a request for prayers on his myspace page about a child of a friend of his this morning. I'm passing it on to all of you since more prayers and good thoughts can only help. Although it's not his kid, he was there for his birth and has been pretty much the father to this boy that he never would have had otherwise. He's not even two years old yet. Anyhow, here's the post in his words.

Yesterday morning Aiden was admitted to UCLA Medical Center. He is having a problem with his kidneys and has blood in his stomach, as well as the surrounding areas, including all of his extremeties. After fighting to breathe all night, he was put on a respirator this morning. He has been put on dialysis to help clean his blood and is being given antibiotics to help fight his infection. I can't give many details right now, as I don't have them yet. I'm asking everyone to pray for him right now and wish a speedy recovery. Further diagnosis and treatment depends on lab results which we expect to have in the next day or so. Thanx a bunch.

As you can tell, the situation is pretty dire. Please include little Aiden in your thoughts and prayers today.

One of many

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 06:21:23 GMT

There are times in life that you aren't allowed in the show. Maybe you bought the wrong ticket or maybe your backstage pass got ripped off or maybe the one-step-shy of-homosapien bouncer is standing in your way. In any case, the best you can do is push your way through the crowd, get slammed into the rail, and hope the players on stage catch a glimpse of you. That you stand out. If nothing else, you can say you were there.

I seem to be spending a lot of time against that rail these days. So much so that I'm beginning to feel a bruise forming across my stomach. It isn't even one show in particular. There's so many of them. I watch the players forget the lyrics, or overcome their stage fright, or shine like the stars they are...but I do it from the crowd. Faceless and one of many.

Sometimes they look down and catch your eye and suddenly you're Courtney Cox in that Bruce Springsteen video getting pulled up on stage to dance with 'The Boss'. But most of the time, you're just living the fantasy in your head and trying not to let the rail pressing into your gut knock the wind out of you.

It's ok though. It really is. Because I've been the show before and I'll be the show again. I'll always be my show and the times I'm in the crowd, hoping to be seen, are only when I'm taking a break from my own stage. And that's ok too. Sometimes you need to be the audience. Sometimes someone needs an audience. Sometimes you've just got to close your eyes, lift your lighter into the air, and silently sway to someone else's music.

Safety's just danger, out of place.

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 04:54:19 GMT

I'm pretty sure this is one of those updates for the sake of updating...or to avoid doing the dishes. Either or.

I'm sleepy. And bored. And...nope, that's it. Sleepy and bored. I'd go to bed, but it's not even ten yet and somehow, in the world of the eternally awake Tiff, that just seems wrong.

I got a raise at work. Only a dollar an hour, but they instituted a monthly bonus for me too. So as long as I hit my goals, plus the raise, I'm making something like an extra $400 a month. Go me.

Oh. Came close to burning the mobile home down today. That is, if aluminum siding actually burns. Was making dinner and didn't notice that a piece of paper got stuck to the bottom of the pan when I took it out and put it down on the counter. So, yeah...once I put it on the burner the house filled with a rather suspicious toasted marshmallow scent. OK, so I didn't even come close to burning the house down, really, but maybe...if I'd tripped while carrying the slightly flame-erupted pan the two feel from the stove to the sink and the linoleum floor caught fire. It could happen. Anyhow, the toasted marshmallow/campfirey smell won't go away and now I want smores.

*yawn*

A letter to the so called editor of my life

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 03:28:11 GMT

Dear High Horse Rider,

So, tell me... How's the view way up there above the rest of us? Just how small do we look from where you sit? Small enough to forget that we aren't actually this tiny? Small enough to forget that a life perceived lower than yours is still a life? Or that no matter how small you make think we are, we still have feelings and goals and aspirations AND motivations that have nothing at all to do with you? Just how far below you do you think we actually are?

You see, I'm just wondering since I'd think that someone so above me wouldn't take the time of day to even think twice about someone as lowly and challenged as myself. Why bother? Why take the time out of your elevated existence to judge me? Why do you even give a shit?

I get that my life doesn't fit into what some people think is worth the time of day to live. I get that some people look at my decisions as nothing more than a series of mistakes, one after the other. I get that the choices I have yet to make in my life might seem like nothing more than a chain of opportunities to fuck up even more. I get it. All of it. I don't agree with any of it, but I get it. And I get that you're entitled to think it.

What I don't get is why you think it's ok for you to share it with me. Why, in all hell, you think your life will serve as some kind of motivation and driving force for me simply because you think it should be. What I don't get is how you think you're in any place to judge me.

You think you know me. You think you know my talents and skills and gifts. You think you know my flaws and my hurdles. You think you know what holds me back and what inspires me. You think you know what I need to do, decide, act on, and walk away from to live to my full potential. You think you know me and what's worse is that you think you know who and what I should be...and how I can get there. You don't know me at all.

If you knew me, if you even took the time to try, you'd know that the choices I've made are my own. That I cherish the mistakes as much as the accomplishments. You'd know that your life isn't the example I live by. You'd know that your leaps and bounds don't translate into my life. They aren't mine and if they were, they'd leap me back and bind me down.

So, again, I ask you....how's the view from way up there? How hard do you have to squint to achieve that flawed perception of me? And just how tight is that saddle strapped down? Because, eventually, you're going to fall off of that horse of yours and find yourself with the same ground beneath your feet as the rest of us. And guess what?

You might just find out that the view from down here is pretty damn good.

Sincerely,
Tiffany

Come a little closer...

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 05:43:02 GMT

Argh. There are some days when I really just want to smack the stupid out of people.

As if that were possible.

Because I love you guys...

Sun, 09 Sep 2007 19:37:29 GMT

OK, so I rarely post at all anymore and posting TWICE in one day seems like something that may just rip a hole in the universe and shift reality off kilter, but it has to be done...

SOOOO much of my flist is currently feeling down, hurt, sad, lonely, angry, depressed...you name it. I wish I could go through and give you all, individually, hugs and love and play you pretty songs on the guitar or whatever else you might need or whatever I can do to help. And I will, if that's what y'all need...just say the word. But in the meantime, how about some giggles? I hope they help...

Yada yada yada...I'm back

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 05:39:32 GMT

So, I had this big ol' post I started when I got internet access at home FINALLY last week, but wouldn't you know my entire PC crashed before I had a chance to finish it?

Long story short? There were many big nasty viruses...They had huge, sharp... er... They could leap about. Look at the bones!

So, I'm a bit PC'd out at the moment, but the jist of it all was basically this:

I'M BACK ONLINE!!!!

There's more to update on, but I'm of the sleepy and tomorrow is the daughter's bday and I've got everyone and their kids coming to stay at my place this weekend for the party and my back is killing me and yeah...did I mention I'm sleepy? So, I shall update tomorrow. Wanna know why? BECAUSE I CAN! I HAVE INTERNET AT HOME NOW!!! *does sleepy dance of happy internet happiness*

Still Kickin'...

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 23:50:44 GMT

Oh my holy...it's been two weeks since I updated? And I've only got like 5 mins to update now before the internet vacuum of my weekend. OK, highlights only and in list form:

1. Got moved downstairs at work which means no slacking on the net...EVER. I'm risking it now. Sad, but I'm getting hella work done.

2. I'M MOVING! Yup...as of 8/15 I'll be in my own place! Which means INTERNET WILL BE BACK!!! LJ, RP, AIM, Y!M, ALL OF IT! I'LL BE AN INTERNET FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH ONCE AGAIN!!! MUAHAHAHAHA! *cough* Oh...and hello? MY OWN PLACE! More on that later.

3. The car wasn't totalled. Don't ask me how or why, but the insurance is fixing the whole thing. The car shall be of the spiff again. YAY!

4. Ben...is love. Things are fantabulous. Paced and slow, but fantabulous all the same. More on that later. Maybe. ;o)

Ok, enough with the list. I'll try and get this thing updated with details on the life o' Tiff soon. If not before than definitely after the 15th...WHEN I HAVE INTERNET BACK AT HOME!!!!

Love and miss you all!
-Tiff

My new goal in life...

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 22:14:11 GMT

...is to make a mood theme using pics of the sayings on Taco Bell packets.

Oh yes, it shall be done.

Also, how do you answer this question when asked by your nearly five year old daughter?

Mommy, why don't they call it Burrito Bell?

List of DOOM...I mean...uh...HAPPY. ;o)

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 21:27:00 GMT

I have been tagged!

This be for you, my lurvely akarui_sekai. I shall meet your meme challenge and pass it on, as so instructed.

My instructions: Not because you have to, but because you WANT to! Things you enjoy, even when no one around you wants to go out and play. What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level? Make a list, post it in your journal and tag 5 people!

MY LIST

1. My Guitar

This was probably a given. I don't care what's going on, what's bothering me, what has me emo, or what has me seeing red and wanting to grab the nearest projectile and start in on target practice...I get that guitar in hand and it all just goes away. And the best part is, it doesn't usually come back. The guitar isn't just an escape for me, it's a release. And it's the best one I've ever found. So much so, that it's rare nowadays that you'll see me without a guitar pick on me or, most likely, being twirled between my fingers. Call it a nervous habit, but even that tiny bit closer to playing when I can't actually play settles my nerves and makes me of the happy.

2. Music

I don't think I've given this much credit before, but I've come to realize how important music is to me. As a writer, as a musician, as a human being...there's something about relating to someone else's thoughts and creation in your own way or just admiring the skill it took to create it that gets to me. I jones for it. Seriously. I spend my lunch hours in my car just so I can be listening to music. If a song hits me hard, I can listen to it tens of times over. If I can't create my own music and need the release, I'll put in a CD, stick on my headphones, lie flat on the floor and just get lost in it.

3. Writing

Once again, a given. The form by which my muse usually takes shape, I've been writing fiction since I could put letters together to make words. It can be a source of some serious frustration, but in the end...it's what I do and what I know I do well. I think that alone, to know what my strongest gift is, is just as much of a happy for me as using it.

4. My Daughter

Y'all knew I was gonna put her on the list, didn't ya? ;o) I'm by no means a 'good' Mom, meaning that it does not come natural to me in the slightest. I'm the daughter my parents would have guessed would have never chosen to have a kid. I think most of the people who know me well and for most of my life would say the same. I just don't have that natural maternal instinct. It's a struggle for me, but I'd never trade a day of it. I know that's generic and cheesy and somehow I'm obligated to say it since I actually gave birth and all, but it's more than that. If you've ever met Eleri, you know why. She's not just my kid...she's something special. She always has been. She's all the adjectives any mom would say about their child...smart, unique, creative, talented, bright, perceptive, etc, etc, etc. She's all that, and something indescribable. She has the same trait Dan has...people are just drawn to her, but it's even more than that. It's something I don't know how to label, it just exists. Whatever it is though, makes me realize that if I were to die tomorrow, I'd have served my purpose in life already. I brought her into this world and there's no doubt in my mind that the world will be a better place for having her in it.

5. Michelle

There have been times in my life that I've taken her friendship for granted, but I think this past year has abolished that from ever happening again. I can't imagine my life without having her as part of it...as a guiding part, an understanding part, a intregal part. I wish everyone had someone like her...a friend that you can share memories of childhood, teenage angst, and adulthood with. Someone who has been there for every stage of your life, by choice. I talk to her multiple times every day. There isn't a single thing about me that she doesn't know about. Not one single secret between us. She is my conscience, my heart, and my logic when I'm neglecting those things in myself. She keeps me sane and she makes me a better person...because I want to be the friend to her that she is to me. And those are some big shoes to fill.

OK, so now it's my turn to tag five others, huh? Alrighty. Passing the buck to: antonstrout, laura_boo, wndola, midnight_writer, missmiah

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 06:49:08 GMT

I'm a big picture person.

Strike that.

I'm an inside the big picture person.

I don't, not for one second, think that anything in this world happens without reason or purpose. I do believe that we can't always see the reasons or the purpose. But that doesn't mean they don't exist. That doesn't mean you don't look for it. Even if you know there's a distinct possibility you may never find it.

The person in the painting can't tell she's part of a masterpiece from where she stands.

I don't know why today happened. I don't know the reason and I don't know the purpose. I've prayed for the families, for the victims, for the shooter. And for myself...that I don't stop looking for the reason and that I learn from the search.

Holiday Hugs

Sun, 24 Dec 2006 21:00:35 GMT

Merry Christmas Eve everyone! And to my UK friends...Merry Christmas! ;)

Hope you all have a wonderful, miraculous, joy filled holiday of friends, family, and everything you ever wanted on your Christmas lists.

*hugs to all and to all a good night*

1985

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 08:34:11 GMT

This makes me so unbelievably happy...

Jamie Bell Smiles

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 03:31:48 GMT

<td>The "I Love To Boogie" scene from 'Billy Elliot'...because I found it while looking for something else and Jamie makes me happy. And yes...that is Molly Weasley dancing with him. ;)</td>

In tribute to the movie that introduced me to Jake G.

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 03:12:38 GMT

Which Donnie Darko Character Are You?

You are Roberta Sparrow. You are a genius who is very underappreciated. "Every creature on this earth dies alone,"
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Oh yeah...I'm a genius. *gigglesnort*

Trick or Treat Fun!

Sat, 07 Oct 2006 17:42:06 GMT

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
orcatiff goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Ursula, The Sea Witch.
antonstrout gives you 18 light green apple-flavoured gummy worms.
entweiss gives you 14 dark blue apple-flavoured pieces of chewing gum.
justcate gives you 11 milky white mint-flavoured pieces of chewing gum.
laura_boo gives you 7 dark blue mint-flavoured gummy worms.
midnight_writer gives you 9 mottled green lime-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
missmiah tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy!
pixiemom96 gives you 18 green coffee-flavoured jawbreakers.
rewil gives you 17 pink cola-flavoured gumdrops.
siren_mage tricks you! You get a broken balloon.
tamaensouka gives you 12 softly glowing pineapple-flavoured gumdrops.
orcatiff ends up with 105 pieces of candy, and a broken balloon.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
orcatiff goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Ursula, and The Sea Witch.
akarui_sekai gives you 12 dark green tropical-flavoured pieces of chewing gum.
alderwitch gives you 3 brown watermelon-flavoured pieces of taffy.
butterflycyn gives you 15 dark green coconut-flavoured gummy worms.
kate_fire gives you 2 yellow banana-flavoured jawbreakers.
lynthia gives you 3 orange cinnamon-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
menestral gives you 9 dark green blueberry-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
mlcaslyn gives you 15 milky white mint-flavoured pieces of chewing gum.
satanya gives you 15 light orange lemon-flavoured gummy worms.
theonlygrl gives you 9 mauve pineapple-flavoured wafers.
unintendedmuse gives you 13 blue coconut-flavoured pieces of chewing gum.
orcatiff ends up with 96 pieces of candy.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
orcatiff goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Ursula, and The Sea Witch.
aridrama gives you 3 pink lime-flavoured jawbreakers.
is_called_dada gives you 19 milky white cherry-flavoured gumdrops.
katie_puhtaytee gives you 2 light blue cherry-flavoured wafers.
kirasha tricks you! You lose 10 pieces of candy!
lynthia gives you 8 orange cinnamon-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
satanya gives you 1 light orange lemon-flavoured gummy worms.
slin gives you 9 white root beer-flavoured gummy worms.
watashiwakk gives you 14 purple peach-flavoured pieces of taffy.
orcatiff ends up with 46 pieces of candy.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

flails with the internets joy

Fri, 06 Oct 2006 21:27:00 GMT

*blinks*

Just to prove how messed up the whole thing was, I was supposed to get the phone service and DSL all hooked up and spiffy yesterday. And not. Called this morning to find out the tech came out yesterday and as a sum up of this whole ordeal, please allow this dramatic re-enactment:

Excerpt from phone conversation a few days ago with different AT&T rep: "No, Mrs. Rodrigues, you don't need to be home when the technician comes out to the house. If there are problems setting up your service, we'll need to schedule another appointment for repairs."

Excerpt from phone conversation with AT&T rep this morning: "The technician was by yesterday and found some problems with your line, but since you weren't home, he was unable to get authorization to repair the issue while he was there. We'll need to reschedule you for some time next week."

*much ranting and bitching from Tiff which resulted in...absolutely nothing happening, except a technician being scheduled for sometime on Monday between 7am and 5pm*

So...I take a bath and a nap and at about 1:00pm my phone rings. My phone rings. Wha??? It's a recording from the DSL people saying that my internet is effectively turned on. Had that not happened, I would have gone all weekend and had to pay a tech at least $55 on Monday for coming out to tell me that all was well after all. I have no idea what happened, what internet god saw fit to smile down on me today, or whether my bitch and rant session had delayed results. Don't care...

I'M BACK ONLINE!!!

*flails some more*

Ack...life exists before noon???

Thu, 14 Sep 2006 17:25:02 GMT

It's too early for me. Somewhere along the thirty-one year old road, I managed to get a nightlife that's later than I had in my twenties. Well, part of my twenties....when I was in the Army. The rest was a Seattle blur and then LA cowboys and western music blur. Oh...I miss it. Might not if I could remember all of it though...oh well, blissful ignorance.

Don't got much to say this morning. So, why am I here? Well, I meade a mental promise to myself to not just update this thing when I'm all bummed out and hopeless. Makes for rather tragic reading. So, here I am...non-tragic and just the sleepy. See, look at sleepy, yawning Jamie Bell Mood theme thingy...Oh, I need him to curl up with...*sigh*

Mayhaps have found an apartment...was supposed to get a tour of the inside today but it got moved until Monday (yeah, that phone call got my butt out of bed *grumble*). Tis one of those untouched since the seventies places with the linoleum kitchen floor to prove it. However, it has a deck that literally hangs over a river. I want to have coffee on that deck every morning for the rest of my natural born life...or until I can afford a house with a better view. Hell, I'll ignore the kitchen completely (I pretty much do that no matter what - domestic goddess I am not) and camp out on that deck. God made Domino's Pizza and Chinese take-out because He loves people like me. If I'm lucky, I'll get to ignore the olive green seventies stove entirely.

So...fingers crossed for me and the Brady Bunch apartment with the river for a backyard. (Not joking...literally, no grass just a drop off into water and river rock. Soooo goshdarn purty!)

And look...tell me you aren't all bummed out and worried about the Tiff after reading this? Tis not possible. See, I can be cheery and non-worrisome. (Ignore the fact I got less than 3 weeks to move and no confirmed place to go yet). I'm a ball of sunshine, I tell ya!

*hugs to all*

Just had to take me down with you, didn't you, Tony?

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 01:51:28 GMT

Create your own! Originally Written By ga_woo, Hosted and ReWritten by darkman424

Bottom Lines and Tiny Pieces

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 04:09:26 GMT

Why is it I turn to this thing when things suck? Not much of the oh so happy blogger, I guess. So, yeah....things suck. Not really up to the prose and prolific-ness tonight. Blunt, straight to the point, and in general...bottom line.

It's my new fav saying...bottom line. I've discovered I'm saying it a lot these days and never in relation to how much I can take. 'The bottom line is this or that, basically the bottom line is...', but NEVER am I saying, 'You know what, this is my bottom line, I've reached it, I'm done.' Not even a warning...'Bottom line approaching, careful where you step, may cause breakage of the Tiff'.

Yeah, I'm being vague, but tis my blog, I can if I wanna. Plus, I hate the details right now. Wanna know why? Because it's across the board. Some of you might think you now what it's all about, but it's a fraction - trust me. Little tiny things that aren't all too tiny, actually, but as a piece in everything - it's tiny. It's all tiny. But yeah, only takes a tiny crack, a tiny out of place piece, a tiny fissure and it all comes crashing down.

But, I'm the strong one right? I've got the shoulders to take it. It's a dependable picture...just like me. Strong, dependable, independent, will be the one standing once it all falls apart, right? You have no idea how much I hate that. Even more?...how it just has to be true. It's an image because I make it that way. Always have. It's what I want - obviously. What's the alternative? Be weak? Need someone to put me back together? Need someone else's strength instead of my own. Nope, no thank you. Next.

Yeah, so..it's how it will be. Don't mind the breakdown, it's temporary, give her a minute and she'll be the pillar again...watch...see...any second now...really...*checks watch*.

Pimpage...because it's my LJ and this deserves it

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 10:49:12 GMT

OK, so all you loyal readers out there...I know there are so many flocking to this little corner of my blog world, but anyways...

Most of you know of or are involved in my Harry Potter obsession. Those that don't, consider yourself informed. What you may not know, is that the wee little, life absorbing passion has spilled over into the world of LJ RPGs, to which I now help run one (see links to your right). Well, I now help run two. Or kind of sort of. Technically, and most deservedly, all credit for this little brain child goes to the one, the only, the light of my life and too incredible for words... siren_mage. I'm merely helping her out with this little three month venture into alternate universe HP-dom.

And that includes getting people to play! So, check it out. Yours truly will be venturing out of her comfortable Gryffindor bubble to try my hand at playing Draco...should be interesting and insanely fun.

The Rules Guide to the AU Application Cast List Canon and AU

It's Christmas Eve's eve and everyone who is anyone has been invited to attend Albus Dumbledore's annual Yule celebration just like every year before. Most of them are related in some fashion and those who aren't related are sure to cause a stir by their presence. This is a crowd of the Pureblooded, the Muggle-born and everyone in between. And as if the personalities and politics aren't enough to cause a series of minor explosions, everyone has a dark secret that they would do anything to keep hidden. And anything may no longer be enough.

In the midst of lavish dinners and balls, danger is afoot and Albus Dumbledore, patriarch to a large, varied and suspicious family, is its victim and quite suddenly everyone is a suspect. The questions are numerous and the answers are shocking, but the most important question of them all is, quite simply, who really did it?

::

Murder at Midnight is a unique Harry Potter RPG set in an alternate universe that will take place over the course of three game days and three real-time months. In this world there is no Voldemort and there are no Death Eaters. Instead the danger lies within the secrets everyone keeps and the passion of their feelings for one another and the victim of a horrific, or perhaps justified, crime. Everyone has a motive. Everyone is a suspect. But only one is the killer.

We're looking for creative, dedicated players with a passion for writing who are seeking an original game. Murder at Midnight will contain very mature themes, so you must be 18+ to apply. We are slash, het and femmeslash friendly and smut is encouraged so if the idea of any of this offends you, Murder at Midnight is probably not for you. However, there is a plot and a point to the game so please keep that in mind.

Before applying, make sure that you've read the rules, the game guides and remember to have fun with your character because above all this game is meant to be good times.

Casting for Murder at Midnight ends September 22, 2006 so be sure to get your applications in by that date.

Email the mods at murder_at_midnite @ yahoo.com with your application and any questions. Further contact information may be found in the murderatmidnite profile page.

Champagne Wishes and Food Network Dreams...

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 19:24:29 GMT

This question was asked of me by my (almost) four year old daughter this morning:

"Mommy, when we go to the store can we please get some brischetto so I can make a panini?"

Yes, she watches the Food network (of her own volition) more than cartoons.

A Day in the Life of a Wife with an Unmedicated Husband

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 06:11:16 GMT

These are the days I hate.

These are the days when I say, "Hon, did you take your pill today?" I already know the answer.

These are the days when things have to operate on his schedule or they are deemed not worth doing.

These are the days when every word I say is weighed and contemplated before I say them, because you never know what will set what mood off.

These are the days where being misunderstood and misinterpreted is standard.

These are the days when I get taken on the mood swings with him. Laughing one second and trying to keep myself from being angry, sad, depressed, broken the next.

These are the days when I can do nothing right. Reactions are taken personally, but being quiet is just as bad.

These are the days when happy news isn't allowed. My happy makes his happy look small and meaningless.

These are the days when everything is crucial, everything is intense. When a perfectly good restaurant we try out for the first time will never be gone to again. "The building feels dead."

These are the days that my anger, my frustration, my feeling like a bug to be squashed over and over again are treated as unjustified because this 'isn't him'.

These are the days when the last thing I want to do is 'talk' to him, yet somehow 'I think we need to talk about us' is always suggested. Talk and I steer myself into a three foot thick wall of defensiveness. Don't talk and I 'don't care' about our marriage.

These are the days when everything is a lose-lose.

These are the days when I'm not allowed to fall apart, yet every thing he says or does is coming at me with hammers and chisels.

These are the days that become a waiting game. Waiting for medication to kick in, for brain chemicals to even out, for my husband to come back and for my steps not to be made over eggshells.

These are the days when at the end of it all, I have to accept an apology that I'd rather not.

These are the days when my sanity is housed in a peach colored capsule that I don't even get to take.

These are the days when I realize it is all together possible to hate someone you love more than anyone else.

Holy Bell, Batman!

Sat, 12 Aug 2006 05:14:48 GMT

Yeah...that's right. Jamie Bell Mood Theme.

The Tiff is happy.

That is all.